Friday, January 1, 2010

Falling in Love with a Friend

It has always been an issue whether to tell or not to tell to a friend that you love him/her. Some thinks that it will only destroy good friendship. Others would say if it turns out lucky, there will be a good romantic relationship ahead of you because you started out as friends and knows each other very well. Both are true depending on the situation.

Some says good relationships are those that started out as friends. This is very true because friendship is a good foundation of love and romantic relationships. It is much different from those relationships that started out with crushes, desire, lust and infatuation. If you started out as friends, it means that you know each other very well and you get along together. This is because you may have a lot of things in common. That is your advantage. You already know how to understand each other and therefore, giving both of you lesser conflicts in the future.

There are also cases where in confession of love to a friend will cause friendship to fall apart. This happens when feelings are not mutual. After the big confession, a big gap might occur and the feeling of awkwardness comes in that leads to not seeing each other and sometimes both seems to not care anymore. So before confessing anything, try to weigh things up first.

What if he/she doesn’t feel the same way about you? When confessing your feelings to your friend, you should understand that there is that BIG risk that you should consider. You might lose the friendship or even that person that you really cared about. So what should you do? You can try the following. Hope it can help..

1. First, you have to make sure that what you feel is really really true. You might just love her/him like a sister/brother. REMEMBER that you are taking a risk here. So be true to yourself first.
2. Don’t make things in a hurry. Take your time to realize and absorb everything.
3. Talk to your other friends about it and seek advice. But be careful, choose your friends that won’t jeopardize everything and won’t tell your friend about your true feelings.
4. It is very important to show her/him that you care and always be there for her/him. Overtime, she/he will notice how great you are to be an ideal girlfriend/boyfriend.
5. When you think the right time has come. Look for the right place to say it. Not in front of other people cause he/she might get humiliated. (More applicable for boys/men) After your confession, ask her if she feels the same way about you and give her time to think about it. Explain to her very well that you don’t want to destroy your good friendship. If she doesn’t feel the same, relax and accept the truth. Don’t cry in front of her and beg for love. Just be the same person as if nothing happened and ALWAYS try to be there for her and make her happy. Who knows after sometime she might realize how perfect you are for her.

What if your friend loves someone else or he/she is already committed? If that is the case, it is best if you don’t tell him/her yet. Look and wait for the right time. Don’t make stupid things just to break them apart. If you’re a true friend and you really love him/her you should not take him/her away to the love of his/her life. Who knows time will come that the couple will face a problem/break up situation which is a very good opportunity for you. Comfort him/her and always be there for him/her. Overtime he or she might realize that you are the one he/she is really looking for because of your good qualities like for comforting him/her, for being supportive and being there always.

Recommended topics:
* How to win a girl's heart
* How to make a relationship work
* How to make him/her stay
* Break-ups: How to move on

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

How to Make Him / Her Stay

Have you ever wonder why a lot of people tend to end up a relationship? This usually happens nowadays and most people seem to have some common mistakes in handling their relationship. That is why most of them try to let go of that very special love. And what’s even worst, by the time they realize their mistakes, it’s already too late for them to save the relationship.

In order for us to know the things we can do to make our partner stay is to know first the reasons why they tend not to stay.

These are the common reasons why most of us fall out of love or have a tendency to end up relationships:

- Cheating/Unfaithfulness
- Not spending enough time together
- Forgetting an important occasion like anniversaries, birthday and holidays
- Lack of communication and attention
- Not respecting one’s opinion and decision
- Failure to reciprocate one’s love, trust and effort

Cheating is the worst destroyer of relationships. It wounds up your partners heart deeply and sometimes can leave a scar. Sometimes, men reason out that they cheated because they were just seduced. It can be true but no matter what the seduction may be, if you really love your girl, you won’t do it. Though men are the best cheaters of all time, have you girls ever wonder why they cheat? Girls actually have some mistakes too. Sometimes men cheat because their partner neglects them. Men need the attention of his girl. They wanted girls to make them feel loved and they want girls to be sweet to them always. Lack of these things can trigger men to cheat. So girls, try to always make your man feel the warmth of your love. Extra sweetness is a big factor also. Make sure you have lots of them. Boys, try to be thankful for the love your girl is giving and never forget to give your love back in return.

Not spending enough time to your partner weakens your attachment to one another. The more you are not present in your partner’s life, especially in important events, the more chances for you to lose that person. Giving enough time to one another makes both of you feel secured. It does not only give you an assurance that your partner does not see someone else, but also it will make both of you create beautiful memories and experiences in your relationship. These memories will strengthen your feeling towards each other. But don’t overdo this. Sometimes, being with each other all the time can make a relationship boring and dull. You or your partner may find it very usual and natural being together. You might lose the tingling feeling and excitement, so sometimes better give yourselves time to miss one another. So remember, give enough time but not too much.

If you are forgetful like me, try to list down important events/occasions that has a meaning to you and to your partner. You can also make some reminders to your cell phone or organizer just for you not to forget special days like your partner’s birthday, anniversary or even holidays. Greetings can also be a big factor in a relationship. It makes your partner realize that you value and cherish special moments and significant events in your relationship.

Lack of communication and attention especially in times of problems and conflicts can create a bigger problem to a relationship. Most of the problems in a relationship can be avoided if only both know how to listen and pay attention to one another. This can alert you for potential problems that may arise and help you avoid them since most of those problems came from lack of communication and time spent with each other. Be open to one another and be honest.

It is always a big deal for someone to be respected. In a relationship, decisions and opinions should be respected. Listen to what your partner has to say before you make a negative comment. Support his or her decision if it’s best for the both of you. Decisions should be made with mutual consent. Don’t treat your partner as your subordinate. Treat yourselves equally because you are partners, and partners have equal rights.

Failure to reciprocate one’s love, effort, sweetness and care is one of the main reasons why most people cheat. They tend to look for someone else who can make them feel the love, care and sweetness they are longing to feel that could have been from you. Not being expressive is a big mistake. All of us always wanted the feeling of being loved and cared by the person we love. If you can’t show it to your partner, how will your partner show it to you? If you want to keep your partner, show him/her what you got and give him/her your best. That way, cheating will not be possible knowing your partner doesn’t need anybody else but you alone.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Give And Take: Key to a Successful Relationship

From what I see in relationships nowadays, girls prefer boys to be more expressive when it comes to their feelings and they want boys to give more effort in their relationship. They want them to be sweet most of the time. But this actually doesn’t bother me. I don’t care if I will be the one to be more expressive with my love for my girl and I don’t care if I give much effort just to make a relationship work because it is actually our responsibility and duty to do whatever is necessary to make a relationship work. What bothers me most is that some people are not good in showing love to their partner. They don’t know how to express themselves. This is not healthy in a relationship. Because of this, some relationships fail.

In a relationship, it doesn’t matter who shows more love or who is more expressive with their feelings. What matters most is that both of you show and express your love for one another even in your little way. People loved to be love. Showing love for a person gives that person security and the feeling of being important and special. It brings us happiness and it strengthens a relationship. Do this in all possible ways. If you love your partner, don’t hesitate to show that love. It’ll make him/her happy. It’ll make both of you happy! Another thing, when your partner shows and expresses that love to you, value and appreciate it. Don’t ignore those things. Say thank you to him/her. In return, also try your best to make him/her feel important. Show your love and be sweet. This will totally make both of you happy and fulfilled which leads to a healthy relationship.

In some cases, there are people that find it very hard to express themselves specially in showing their love for someone. I am actually dealing with it right now. My girlfriend and I had been together for almost five years. Yup! That’s five long years believe it or not. Some think we’re a perfect couple. But what they don’t know is we have been in a dilemma for years. My girl is not good in showing her love for me. I never find her sweet. She doesn’t seem to know how to show it. So there was this time I thought she didn't love me. I felt rejected, not loved, and it makes me think that I wasn’t enough for her. I approached her, talk to her and ask her why. She said she doesn’t know why she’s like that but she did tell me that she really loves me and that she doesn’t want to lose me. I hold on to what she said. I love her so much. Though she doesn’t show much of her love, what is important to me is that she loves me. And for me, we love because we simply love that person, and not because we wanted to be loved in return. But still, I am waiting for her to change even if it takes time.

For a relationship to last, love should be mutual. Sweetness should be mutual and effort should be mutual. A give and take relationship is a healthy relationship. We should be sweet to one another and we should express our love to one another. Hope my girl overcomes her shyness. I hope she’ll be sweet and expressive too. If you’re wondering why we are still together and what did I do to accept the fact that she’s not sweet and does not know how to express her feelings, I have this three things: I Have faith. I Have trust. I have patience. I love her so much and I hold on to the fact that she loves me. Though she does not show it, I know and my heart knows that she loves me. If you really love a person, trust her with all your heart, have faith, and wait for the right time for her/him to change for the better.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

How To Win A Girl's Heart

We’ve been talking about relationships for quiet some time. I think it’s about time we talk about how to start a relationship, especially for those guys out there that hesitates making a move to a girl because of not being confident enough that the girl will like him too. What can you do to make her fall for you?

I will share with you some of my proven tips on how to win a girls heart:

1. Be Neat And Clean (Good hygiene). A guy that smells good, looks good, tidy looking and has fresh breath is a big YES for a girl.

2. Show Her Care And Concern. Ask her about her day. Show her and let her know that you are interested in what she does. If she had a bad day, let her know you feel her pain and you want to make her feel better.

3. Listen To Her. When she tells you about something, the moment she starts talking, listen to her. Don’t interrupt! Look at her in the eyes and pay attention. Most girls like a guy that listens to them.

4. Be Friends To Her Friends. Build rapport with her friends. If her friends like you, the more chances for her to like you too. If ever her friends find you annoying just be nice to them and apologize for the wrong things you’ve done to them.

5. Be A Gentleman. Girls really like a guy who opens up the door for them and gives them his jacket if they feel kinda cold. It’ll make them feel special.

6. Respect. Respect her at all times. Show respect to other girls too. This will show her you are sweet and kind. Also, when other girls began to like you too, she will likely realize how special you are.

7. Be Exciting. Show your energy and excitement when talking to her. This will give a happy and positive start in your conversation. When a person smiles at someone, that someone will most likely smile back. Share your happiness and energy to her for it will make her feel happy too.

8. Be Mysterious. Some girls like a guy with a little bit of mystery about himself.

9. Be A Funny Guy. Girls like guys with a big sense of humor. A guy that can make a girl laugh is a BIG PLUS for them. They find it very attractive and therefore a bigger chance for a girl to fall for the guy.

10. Be Yourself. Don’t and never try to pretend to be someone that you are not. Just be yourself and let yourself be the way to win her heart. If she’s meant for you, she will be.

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Sunday, April 5, 2009

Break-Ups: How To Move On...

Break-ups are very common to relationships today. This is the ending of a relationship and also the beginning of grieve, mourning, sadness and healing. This usually happens because of misunderstandings, third party in a relationship or the love you had isn't really that strong or you think you love someone when in fact you just really really like that person.

How do we move on from a broken relationship? How do we get over it? How do we end up the pain?

Moving on is never easy, especially when you really love your ex. You try not to think about it too much, but it all comes back to you. There is no easy way to get through it and nothing seems to really work. That's why I wanted to share to you the things you can do that may help you ease the pain when your heart gets broken.

1. Have Faith (GOD)

In any obstacles and problems in life, you can always share your worries and feelings to God. He is always there to listen to us and give us spiritual support. Never lose faith in Him.

2. Share your feelings to your F&F (Family and Friends)

Your family will always be the first one who will give you support and will always be there for you no matter what. Seek for their support for they will never turn you down. Blood will always come up on top. It sure is true when we say blood is thicker than water.

There are things that a person can only share to his/her friends. They are the ones whom we seek first in times of loneliness. Share your worries to them and they will gladly give you advice for true friends listens to one another and comfort each other.

Sharing is the best way to let go of the pain. Cry and grieve. Let it all out of you and don't hold back. It is ok to cry for someone you really love, for this will take away the pain. Just do this immediately or it may take you longer to heal.

3. Start Loving Yourself

For some people, being heart broken can be really stressful and they neglect to take care of their health. Some blame themselves for what happened and felt really down and bad about themselves. Avoid doing this for this can lead to serious stress, depression and health problems.

What you should be doing is get enough sleep, eat healthy foods and exercise in order to minimize stress and depression.

Some people resort to alcohol and drugs. But please, it's a big NO NO! It will only worsen things up and can lead to hurting yourself and even hurting others. If you had been really depressed about losing someone and you can’t handle the pain you feel inside, you might need to ask for support and talk to a counselor or a therapist. They can be really helpful.

4. Keeping yourself busy.

Keep yourself busy in a positive way. You should focus yourself in other things too. In that way, you forget about what hurts you most. You can try watching comedy movies, redecorating your room and even go to a salon to make a fresh new look.

For some people I know, after a crucial break-up, what they did is step no. 3. They start loving themselves and tried to be more beautiful and good looking. They went to a salon to achieve a new look. That way, one can realize that it was never really a great loss for him/her but a great loss to their ex who losses a charming and good looking person. Another thing, when you look good and feel good inside and out, there may be a greater chance for you to move on in a shorter period of time for good looks and great personality attracts people that might be your Mr./Ms Right, therefore, giving you a chance to learn to love again.

5. Lastly, Give yourself TIME.

They say time heals. That is very true for sadness and sorrows takes time to go. Don't worry; it will all just fade away in time. How long it will take? It depends on you. It depends on how you deal with it and on what causes the heartbreak. Some only takes days and weeks to heal but for others months and sometimes years. Just be patient time will heal those pain.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Do we fall out of love?

We often see couples today that are very much in love during the first weeks or months of their relationship. After a few more weeks or months, they’re not in love anymore.

Can people really fall out of love?

I personally don’t think that a person can fall out of love. I believe that when you TRULY LOVE someone, that love stays and last forever. If you fall out of love, I think you never really were in love in the first place. It may have been just infatuation or lust.

I had a girlfriend before. She is an adorable and amazing person. We broke up 8 or 10 years ago because of my wrong doing. (I was on my second year in high school that time. Yup! I’m a jerk! But that was before.) I continued loving her and had finally moved on after 3 years. Since then, every time I see her or hear her name I can feel inside me that something is still there, that I still love her. For me that is what I can call true love because I still love her after so many years. I really do! But that love is not romantic anymore… It changed to a platonic kind of love...

When I got into college, I met this girl. I really don’t know what happened between us but I got really attracted to her all of a sudden. I proposed to her and finally we’re officially us! I swore to myself that this girl would be my last and I will do anything and give everything to her. That relationship lasted for a month. Yup! Very long?! Hehe.. What happened was she just kind of fall out of love. I don’t even know what I did wrong. I was faithful to her and I did everything in my power just to make her stay. I cried almost every night since the breakup for 6 months. Then I met this girl (My current partner.) She brought back the sun into my world again. We became friends, best friends and now partners. Now I realize that what happened between me and that ex-girlfriend of mine wasn’t true love. She never really loved me and I never really loved her truly. It was all just infatuation Maybe she thought it was love at first and realizes later that she just likes me. For myself, maybe I was just so into the “changed man thing” that the girl who’s gonna be my next girlfriend will be my last and I will never be a “playboy” again that had made me obsessed and infatuated to her. Now, when I see her or hear her name, I don’t feel a thing, I just laugh at myself thinking of the things that I did in the past. Maybe if we had been together for a long time we both had learned to really love each other. (Hmm.. Can love be learned? Can we teach ourselves to love a person? Now that’s a different story.. I’ll work on that one. Watch out for it.)

I am happily in love right now with my current partner. We have been together for almost five years and yet we are still very much in love each other. She showed me what true love really is.

Real love is deep, stays and lasts forever. Although for some, it stays and changed to a different form of love for we are destined for someone much better. Infatuation is shallow and doesn't last very long. The fascination wears off after a while. Maybe first thought as love, but soon realizes that it was just a crush or admiration.

Thank you for reading. I hope you’ve learned something. Please feel free to comment and make suggestions.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

How to Make a Relationship Work

Love is a wonderful gift that God had given us. It gives us joy, happiness and laughter, but sometimes for others love leads to sadness, sorrow, pain and hatred. I would like to correct that wrong perception about love, because for me, love only gives positive feelings like joy and happiness. It does not hurt a person, but it makes a person stronger. True love never leads to sadness and pain cause if you really love someone you’ll be happy for her/him with or without you in his/her life. Love is simply feeling good and being happy towards other person’s happiness.
Today, we often see relationships that last only a few months or years. Some even last only for days. I would like to share to you my guide for a successful relationship. This is from my personal experience in life and I hope that this guide can help you. You may or may not believe/follow this, but it works pretty well with me.

TIPS for a successful relationship!

1. FAITH in God.
When I was in my elementary years my brother always had this saying for a girl, “I do believe from God above, created you for me to love. He picks you up among the rest, because for Him you are the best.” Now I know that it’s true because He really is the reason for everything so don’t forget Him. He’s the one who chooses the person whom we are going to share our lives with. He guides us to our journey in life and picks up the best partner that will serve as our other half for our lives to be more meaningful.

2.. TRUST.
Trust is very important to a relationship. It makes one another secured and confident towards their relationship. From what I experience in my past relationships, without trust, there will always be doubt that most of the time leads to quarrel or fights.
I don’t do this but most men do – When the girl starts to have this doubt because of distrust to her partner, Girls never stop asking questions that irritates boys like... “Sino kasama mo?”, “Who’s texting you?” “Where were you last night?” so men sometimes lie about these things just to make his girl shut up. Bottom line is.. the start of men being dishonest.

As what they say, “The truth will set you free”. Hehehe… As much as possible I don’t lie to my partner. Even if by saying the truth will only hurt her. If you’re wondering why, the answer is very simple. It would hurt her more if she finds it out (that you’ve done something wrong) from other people and not from you. Remember, you can’t keep a secret forever. Time will always come for your secret to unfold. Just be honest to her, sooner or later she’ll forgive you knowing that you’ve been honest to her, you have regrets and your asking for forgiveness.

Good communication is very important and essential to a successful relationship. This is associated with honesty. It enables both partners to talk openly about a situation or problem and express themselves freely. It also enables us to learn how to share things to our partner.
Saying ones feeling, emotions, needs and wants will enable your partner to think for immediate solution or ways to resolve any problems. I always say this to my partner “If you have a problem, tell me. Let’s talk about it and try to fix things up”. When I’m the one who has a problem I’m always open to her and I also seek her advice.
Another important thing, when your partner tells you something about his/her problem, listen to him/her. Remember “a good speaker is a good listener”. In that way you’ll be able to understand him/her more and come up to a more effective solution.

5. TIME.
Always make time for each other. No matter how busy your schedule is, be sure to have time for your partner. If possible, make her/him feel special everyday. There are times that we have regrets to things that we could have done for him/her when we still got a chance.

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